R.I.P. B.D.R.

It’s with both sadness and, actually, happiness that I report my Dad passed away peacefully last week.

Rest in Peace, Big Daddy Ray

You may recall that, almost 3 years ago, his health took a turn for the worse; he was in Hospice and not expected to see any more birthdays.  Obviously,  he had a thing or two to say about that…in his words,  “The Docs don’t get to say when I am done…” (he was so proud about being “fired” from Hospice)!

We celebrated his 96th birthday a couple weekends ago, and his participation was enthusiastic.  But his decline in the week since, equally so.  That he was vibrant and engaged until literally moments before he crossed the same Rainbow Bridge as his lifetime cast of 16 dogs, who are no doubt waiting for him if you believe in that sort of thing, is how he wanted it, and brings us peace. 

Dad was one of the good ones!   Over and over we saw him working for the betterment of his community, the people around him and strangers unknown and especially those less well off. He started charter schools, built mixed income and mixed-use developments, created senior living options from whole cloth.  In the past year, he worked tirelessly to engage and focus public and private efforts to protect and enhance Minnesota’s Water Resources.   

To quote [paraphrase] the former mayor of Minneapolis, R.T. Rybak: 

If you want to know what the future will be, 
take a look at what Ray Harris is working on today!”

His own blog  (TheRayHarris.com) will continue; and the family plans many more posts from recent conversations, and notes he continuously scribbled on yellow legal pads. In no small part due to the fantastic creative and technical efforts of his Granddaughter, Aleah, who is the only person on earth who can read the scribbles-on-yellow-pads!

That blog is his own rendition of many of his memorable and impactful moments; on Mine I wanted to share a few of my favorite thoughts and remembrances.

I think if I could describe in one story how  Dad made me, ME, It would be this one… it’s about trying new things without hesitation.  Dad’s entire life was about seeing a problem and not accepting the reasons that problem has not been, or conventional wisdom said could not be, solved.  There is no doubt he made me an effective, but even more importantly, a “Happy” Problem Solver.

In the early 1970’s, I got the idea that it would be fun to make an Ice Rink in the yard of our house in Minneapolis.  I don’t really know WHY I had this idea.    I considered all the technical issues, such as getting water outside when the sill cocks are shut off for winter, how to make a flat sheet of ice on a sloping lawn, how to apply water without actually standing out in the cold with a hose, and all of that without flooding the street or the basement.  I recall that I Planned how to do it for not over-long, then decided one cold day to GO FOR IT.

I DON’T recall asking permission (a trait I am CERTAIN I learned from Dad).  If there was a problem, and a reasonable (to me, at least) solution,  why would one need permission?   I DO recall being a little concerned how he might react when he got home from work,  or from one of the community meetings he attended many evenings.  I also recall he looked  maybe more than a little puzzled when he did arrive home to see lawn sprinklers running (so I would not have to stand outside)  via a hose run out a basement window (the solution to sill cocks turned off for winter)…at 20°F in the snow!!   

Although these surely must have looked “odd” to him (I think he knew these represented clever solutions to problems – lots of water could be applied gradually and evenly over a broad area, without frostbite to the applier!),   he said nothing,  in fact!!

Since he didn’t raise his voice, or even say anything whatsoever, as if watering the lawn in the snow made perfect sense, I kept on with my task.  I learned many things over the course of the next couple months.  For example,  applying a thin layer of HOT WATER every evening made the ice very smooth. Kinda like a Zamboni!   It also used up all the hot water, preventing the dishwasher from working correctly and causing COLD SHOWERS for my siblings. Dad still didn’t raise his voice, and I quickly learned to wait until these things were done to expend all the HW available.  A valuable lesson in adjusting “the plan” along the way!

As with many of Dad’s more formidable, groundbreaking projects,  once the new world (in this case, the ice rink) was fully realized,  there came new expectations and assumptions. Just like Before Google Maps, we asked for and wrote down directions.  Now we send pins, check and post reviews and read menus for nearby restaurants as a natural part of getting places.     Google created a new world and a new set of expectations.  The new world I had created was more than a sheet of ice, but also included Dad’s expectation that we shovel all the sidewalks before skating.

There was one moment along the way where I thought the “What the hell are you doing” moment might have arrived.  One day,  after shoveling, skating for hours and then flooding the rink in preparation for another day,  Dad mentioned to me that he had received a letter from the City.  He had a very stern look on his face.  He asked me to review the letter, before we “had a discussion about it…”  I wondered if jail time was specified in some obscure Ice Rink Ordinance,  and I had been discovered!

“Dear Homeowner.   We have noted a drastic increase in water usage at 4339 Fremont Ave. So.  Our engineers suggest that you examine toilets and faucets for drips or leaks and make sure no pipes have burst in the basement.  If you need help or have any questions,  please call the Water Department at  XXX-XXXX.  The City of Minneapolis is not responsible for any leaks or damage, and billing will reflect this usage.”

I had visions of no allowance for the rest of my life and no dessert after all remaining dinners until I went off to college! 

Dad could only hold that stern, “BOY ARE YOU IN  TROUBLE NOW” look for about 10 seconds.  Then he burst out laughing. 

See an opportunity to change things, figure out how to do it,  then do it.  Don’t ask permission because who would you ask?  They wouldn’t understand even IF you asked, because you are changing the world. No one asks permission to change the World!!! And,  the natural human response is ALWAYS “No!” until the thing is actually done! 

That was Dad, and what Dad wanted us to know and do and be.   

I also remember hearing SO MANY TIMES Dad’s wise counsel about one or another crisis in my life.  My sister, Sarah, called these lectures #101 and #102. 

Lecture # 101:  Perspective!  Ask yourself if “it” (whatever “It” is)  will matter to you in a year.  If yes,  figure out how to fix it. If not,  let it go!! 

I remember this all too frequently. When someone has been an A** to the extreme,  or some regulation or bureaucratic nonsense has been particularly onerous, perspective can help you be at peace.  #101 has been especially useful in retirement,  when really nothing matters all that much, other than enjoying each day as it comes and all the people around you.  This rule ESPECIALLY applies these days to Traffic.  I used to care,  I no longer do!  In a year,  it will not matter in the least that it took us 2 hours or two weeks to transit Atlanta, or Dallas.

Lecture #  102: Expectations!  If you expect everyone or even anyone else to work as hard, or as effectively, or in the same manner or care as much as you do/are,   you will always be disappointed!  We all should remember this when we deal with Customer Support, or City Bureaucrats or employees.  It  (whatever “it” is) will get screwed up as likely as fixed. It will take longer and be done less efficiently.  Don’t let it get to you (see #101).  Let them keep trying, even if you could have been done an hour ago.  Remember #102 and don’t EXPECT.  Better yet,  give others the grace to perform differently than you might! You and the world will be better for it.  

We reflect #101 and  #102 in our Guiding Principles on the road:

• If you have no particular destination in mind, you can’t be lost
• If you haven’t a schedule, you can’t be late
• If you have no expectations,  you cannot be disappointed!!!

One thing Dad and I enjoyed together the last several years were our frequent Sports Wagers.  At first these were on obvious things such as the better record between the Twins and Cubs, or Bears and Vikings.  These were always bets of low monetary but high psychological value.  For example,  I remember having to wear Minnesota Twins logowear for a week at work.  Our last sports bet was on the 2025 Superbowl,  and for a change I WON. 

The payoff was a sack of White Castle hamburgers. He lost, so he was to buy the White Castles.   Since he was not as mobile as he used to be,  and DoorDash is not a thing for the 90+ generation, I agreed to buy and he could reimburse.   The White Castles were acquired and consumed just a week before his demise,  and HE NEVER REIMBURSED ME! 

Yes,  as one of his last acts, HE STIFFED ME for a sack of White Castles! 

I don’t think this was entirely an accident!  Dad Planned everything.  Wrote his own eulogy and obituary.  At first, I thought this was because he was worried what people might say about him.  But then I realized,  He didn’t give a damn what people said about him!  Dad ALWAYS played the long game!  No, he may have lost the bet, but he won the day!

A few more, unrelated moments or Pontifications:

A MOST useful saying:  “If no single piece is bigger than the door,  EVERYTHING will fit!”  The context was on the many occasions when Dad would deliver me and several of my college buddies to/from the airport in Minneapolis to/from Carleton College with all our “stuff.”  This usually involved loading the people and the stuff together, like a 3-D jigsaw puzzle, in such a way that there was not a single cubic inch of empty space. And, no possible way to have a potty-stop…good that Carleton was only 45 mins. from the airport!  This Law of Spatial Sufficiency has continued to this day, when you consider that everything that Liz and I own fits in the bus, because it fit thru the door!

Also useful,  more and more as I sport less and less: Dad once said, “The Lord made a very few perfect heads…the rest he put hair on!”

My cousin, Cecily, in a much-appreciated condolence note, suggested that I am now THE Official Harris Family patriarch!!!!  I thank her for that…I am intoxicated with all the power that conveys!!

Finally, This is perhaps my FAVORITE picture of Dad.  He is gazing into the distance, seeing something the rest of us cannot (yet). Wearing a silly Green Hat.

And Finally (really finally,  this time!!), Dad’s Obituary (in his own words!):

Harris, Ray Harvey  March 25, 1929 – March 30, 2025 (Star/Trib Apr 6, 2025)

Approaching 100 years in age, “Big Daddy” Ray Harris has run out of challenges to overcome and has decided to move on. Unlike his hero, Don Quixote, Ray never met a windmill he couldn’t tilt while chasing so many impossible dreams. With his hair and hearing almost gone and his body wrecked by athletic injuries and three bouts of cancer, he persisted and succeeded long after most others had “jumped ship.” A more-fierce competitor never existed. Always unemployed/self-employed, he created innovative residential projects, thriving retail centers, dog parks, research parks, a senior housing and assisted living complex and even a successful public middle school. He saved the Sears building from demolition and even wrote two books: Out of My Mind, an illustrated self-deprecating autobiography, and Welcome to Wynott about his efforts in a world of constant but resisting change. He was lead champion and volunteer for many community needs, including the Sholom Alliance and Loring Park Dog Park, and he brought broad community focus to the importance of water in Minnesota. During his life journey, and almost always accompanied by his favorite dog, he was a cowboy, a wrestler, a beach bum, an army vet; he sat in the electric chair (for fun), survived a house fire, and even walked on water. Slightly outspoken and unabashedly humble, Ray the curmudgeon was an old school guy – the butt of everyone’s jokes and infamous for his choice of clothing ensembles. He leaves as the self-anointed world’s cribbage champion. He cherished his family, all of them, his lake cabin, and his City of Minneapolis. Ray is preceded in death by his parents Leo and Eleanor, his brothers  Frank and John, sister-in-law Molly, nephew Kevin, mother of his children, Alta Harris, and many other forebears including Adam and Eve. Left behind are those who tolerated him – his children Dan and Liz, Rachel and Chuck, Bill, Sarah and David, Julianne (daughter by choice), and all of their children – Aleah, Shayna, Jacob, Claire, Chet, Alexandra; cousins Joan and Harvey, and niece, Cecily. A celebration of his life will be held on July 17, 2025 at 2:00 at Temple Israel (2323 Fremont Ave, Mpls, MN) with reception to follow.